


Is this really it?

by erenkillthemall



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/M, He should learn to talk about it, Hurt Lestrade, I should be writing my other work, Lestrade is precious, Married John, Sad Ending, Sherlock finally gets lestrade's name right, Sherlock is not good with emotions, but its sad, i wrote this in my free time, nope - Freeform, sherlock demanded attention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 10:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4344800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erenkillthemall/pseuds/erenkillthemall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I should really be working on my on-going stories, but summer is quite a bitch to work during. I just wrote this on my phone one day and had a chance to correct it in word, so now it here. And I may or may not add another chapter, it all depends</p></blockquote>





	Is this really it?

Sherlock sat on his chair, looking at the empty space, where John usually sat. It was empty at the moment. Sherlock sat back in his chair, leaning his head back. He didn't even want to get up, he felt spent, felt like he was worthless and couldn't measure up anymore. And that ex-soldier was to blame, he made Sherlock feel like he could have the world and nothing could stop him for doing anything he wanted, only to have that taken away. He loved John, he was the first person he felt this emotion for. But Sherlock realized that John could never love him the way that Sherlock loved him, all he was; was just a friend. Every time he went out with another woman Sherlock felt the resolve break. He realized that Sherlock wasn't the type that he liked. Sherlock brought his head up to stare at the empty space in the chair. Sherlock was so use to the energy that he brought, now He wished he could do it all over and turn the soldier down and continue to live his lonely life. Sherlock got up and made it to the couch He wrapped his jacket around himself, hoping to sleep. Because for the first times in years, Sherlock longed for the sense of peace that sleep brought him, he had never wished for that before but now He did. Maybe tomorrow would be better...  
\--------  
Tomorrow was not better, it was in fact worse, John kept going on about his date and how well it went, Sherlock sunk deeper into his hole that he had dug himself, not that he showed it; he kept his face blank. He didn't want to know, he just didn't want to know.  
"She's really amazing Sherlock, you would like her." John was smiling widely at Sherlock, but Sherlock didn't look at him, he had moved his chair to almost face the window, so he looked at the streets of London. "I bet you wouldn't be able to find a thing that would scare me off of her." John just couldn't shut up could he? He had to keep going. The brunet usually enjoyed his conversations, but now He wished for nothing more than for him to stop talking.  
"Shut up John." Sherlock said quickly, he couldn't hear a word more about this woman. But if John heard him, he made no indication that he did.  
"She has the most pretty eyes, and she has a great sense of humor-"  
"Can't you ever shut up, or do you insist on rambling on about whatever comes to that pitiful brain of yours?!" Sherlock yelled and looked at the blonde. Sherlock immediately regretted his harsh words, but he couldn't take them back now.  
John looked at Sherlock "What's got you in a mood?" Really? He asked that question  
"You have! You idiot! You continue to talk and talk, never shutting up. I just want some quiet. Yet you continue to speak." Sherlock hissed. No. Those words weren't right, those words were harsh. Sherlock wanted them to be kinder, he wanted to admit what he was thinking, but his mouth overridden his brain. Which never happens, Sherlock is always in control, but John makes him act weird.  
Hurt flashed over John's features. "I'm sorry Sherlock, I'll leave you be then, since I can't stop talking." John got up and grabbed his jacket. Sherlock wanted to stop him, but he didn't. If he did maybe he wouldn't be in this situation now.  
\-----  
Sherlock regretted what he said to John, because after that things just escalated and became unbearable, Sherlock could feel the tension whenever they were together  
"Sherlock, I'm getting married." John said after he had visited Sherlock. If Sherlock didn't school his expression, his jaw would have dropped and he would start crying, but instead he looked at him with a neutral face.  
"Congratulations." Was all he said as he went back to his experiment.  
John looked at the front room "Did you get rid of my chair?" Sherlock had gotten it out of the room, he didn't liked being remind of the emptiness it brought, ever since John had moved out  
"Gave me more room to work and think." He looked at John from the corner of his eye "Did you come here for a purpose or?" Sherlock internally sighed, he continued to be harsh towards John.  
"I wanted to invite you there, I want you to be my best man." John looked at him and Sherlock looked up in shock  
Millions of thoughts went through his head, at the top was turning him down he didn't want to be there, he didn't want to see John and his wife, who had shot at him and John still chose. "Alright, I'll be there and be your best man." Sherlock sighed and looked back at his experiment.  
"Thank you Sherlock, I happy to have my best friend there beside me." Sherlock's eyes rolled  
"Don't think anything of it. Now I'm sure Mary will wonder where you are if you don't return."  
John patted Sherlock on the shoulder before leaving. Sherlock didn't cry, he didn't feel much of anything at that moment  
\---------------  
It had been months since Mary and John gotten married, Sherlock become a recluse again, everything that John had built in Sherlock was gone, He was back to his normal self- No he wasn't normal, what he was doing wasn't normal, he had elapsed back, and Sherlock hated it. But he didn’t stop it. Not anymore.  
Ms. Hudson had knocked on his door several times before Sherlock answered "What is it Ms. Hudson, I'm busy."  
"Dear, you are always busy now. John had phoned but he said you didn't pick up so he phoned me and wanted to check on you." She was so sweet, but Sherlock was still bitter, so he could care less.  
"Tell him I'm fine." He waved her off  
"I told him the truth since he left, you haven't been the same since John left."  
Sherlock scoffed "I'm perfectly fine, there is no reason to worry."  
"Which is more reason to worry dear. She said as she walked away  
Sherlock huffed and walked back inside  
_________________  
Sherlock cleaned the place, make everything seem normal, so John could leave faster. He had just placed his stash away, when a knock came. Sherlock answered "What?" It wasn't harsh it was removed of emotion.  
"Sherlock, it's been awhile."  
"Your way of stating the obvious never ceases to amaze me." Sherlock crossed his arms and moved aside for John to come in  
"Somethings never change." Sherlock was sure that's what he heard and it made him want John out of the apartment faster.  
"What did you come over for? If it's to catch up, there is no need. I have no want to talk." He closed the door and walked to the front room following John  
"I wanted to check on you, even Greg says you haven't been down to bother him in a while. Got me worried." John looked at the taller man, concern written on his face as clear as day.  
"Maybe, I didn't want to go down there hm?" Sherlock sat down on his chair, He studied John. He deduced things, but kept them hidden.  
"Sherlock are you alright?"  
"What a silly question of course I'm alright, do I seem ailing to you?" Sherlock shook his head at John  
"Stop lying to me, you've been acting like this for months. I may not be a genius at seeing things like you, but I know you Sherlock and I know you’re not okay." John crossed his arms, he seemed cross now. Sherlock glared now, He had no right to scold him.  
"Why do you care?! Just go back to perfect life, you obviously don't need me in it." Sherlock stood glaring down at John.  
"You're my best friend of course I need you." John had a mixture of emotions on his face, Sherlock paid no heed  
"Says the man who hasn't contacted me in 2 months, yeah John that screams that you need me in your life." The brunet scoffed and waved his hand  
John had no response, so Sherlock pressed  
"Exactly, you don't have a need for me anymore. You’re no different than everyone else. I can't believe I once thought you were."  
"What the hell is that supposed to me?!" Now it was John's turn to yell  
"It means that as soon as I run out of usefulness, nobody cares what happens to me." Sherlock turned his back to John "Just get out of here. You have people waiting on you." Sherlock seemed smaller now, the man always carried an authoritative type presence that made his seem bigger, now it seemed to be gone. John wanted to grab his shoulders and shake the man until he saw, but the truth in Sherlock's words stopped him. "You know, I was fine with being alone and I was getting used to it again. So, please leave." The man's words seemed cryptic and useless but John heard the meaning and caught the please, Sherlock never said please. John had messed up and Sherlock had closed himself off again.  
"I'm sorry Sherlock. I'll leave, but I plan on coming back. Soon." John turned  
"Don't bother." Sherlock called after him as John opened the door and closed it. Sherlock sank down, cursing everything. "Why now? Why did you have to come back now? Damn him." Sherlock collected himself and rose again, he needed a distraction and he had the perfect one hidden away.  
_______________  
The phone was ringing, but no one picked up. Mrs. Hudson had left and Sherlock was barely conscious, he knew what he had done. He took too much, now He was dying. He nearly laughed, what a way to go for the famous detective, by overdosing. He was sure many would laugh at that  
_________________  
the door was opened, Sherlock could hear it, but he didn't care, his eyes were slipping close. "Sherlock?" Now what a surprise, lestrade had come to visit. "Sherlock!" His voice was full of panic, Sherlock felt a warm hand on his neck and heard a breath be released. A phone was being dialed, there was no point, and there was no saving him. Lestrade spoke quickly, telling Sherlock to hang on help was coming. After he was done, Sherlock finally opened his eyes enough to see the man. There was that look of concerns again, also a wetness was on his cheeks. And his mouth moved, Sherlock struggled to make out what he was saying. "Why, dammit why?"  
"I'm glad you're here Greg." Sherlock had considered the man a friend and he was glad not to die alone. Sherlock never knew he wanted to have someone there as he took his last breath. But he did, he reached his hand and grabbed at Lestade's shirt, his fingers loosely grabbing the sleeve. He was trying to tell him how much He meant to Sherlock. He hand fell and his chest Stopped moving.  
Lestrade grasped his hand, trying to feel for a pulse any. His hand was shaking, he may have been irritated with the man almost all the time, but he respected him and viewed as a close friend. "Sherlock? Sherlock?! Sherlock wake up please. You can't just leave you bastard." He shook his shoulders, trying to get a reaction from him. He prayed to whoever, that the paramedics made it in time. The world couldn't lose a man like Sherlock, and Greg didn't want to lose a friend.  
A while later paramedics showed up, they shooed Greg away as they checked Sherlock, they had brought a gurney and were placing Sherlock on it. They wheeled him out. "Are you a relative?" A young lady asked lestrade. He shook his head, turning and walking out of the flat, He seemed calm, but it was only the shock. He pulled out his phone again, to call John, he needed to know what had happened, as does Mycroft.

**Author's Note:**

> I should really be working on my on-going stories, but summer is quite a bitch to work during. I just wrote this on my phone one day and had a chance to correct it in word, so now it here. And I may or may not add another chapter, it all depends


End file.
